I found myself singing along to my headphones at the gym. Not mildly. I'm talking it was SUPER obvious I was enjoying my music lol. I caught a few glances and smiles from some other people as I was rocking out in my own little world.
At first I was a little embarrassed. Like I had been caught. I questioned whether I should "tone it down". And then I thought NAH, I'm having fun! So instead of toning it down and looking quickly away, all embarrassed, I just smiled back. Sure they might have been smiling/laughing at my expense. But I was having fun so it mattered less to me what other people thought.
I was glad I decided that there was nothing wrong with me openly having a good time at that moment all by myself. It also immediately alleviated the pressure of "doing what other people expect". So go forth. Be weird. Own it. I think it's a vibe.
Here’s a reminder that you don’t need to operate based on someone’s potential. Let your actions be guided by who they are in the here and now. You can wish someone well and still choose to walk away. You can invite someone who has done some personal growth back into your life. Nothing is permanent but make sure you do what is best for yourself.
I had a pretty powerful conversation today so I thought I'd share it with you. Sometimes, I fall victim to doubting myself. I get insecure about my intellect and question how knowledgeable I really am. But I noticed something today. Sometimes I'm just intimidated. Maybe I'm being challenged to share or communicate in a space that I feel judged or uncomfortable. Maybe it's work pressure. Maybe it's a conversation with my partner about a topic I either know nothing about or have no interest in. Maybe it's because I feel like I just can't win.
Today, it was hardcore studying for my state licensing exam. I was telling my friend, "I can't believe I got that many answers wrong on my practice test. I was CERTAIN I knew the answer". Their response to me was, "I think you're just overwhelmed". And my therapist brain went "OMG how did I not realize that?!". Brain fog is real folks!! So here is a take away affirmation: I'm smart and I will figure this out but right now, I'm just overwhelmed. High stress equals decreased ability to respond.
I've heard people describe it as "feeling dumb": I can't think clearly, I'm constantly drawing a blank, I'm mentally drained and checking out might all be pointing to I'm overwhelmed. While frustrating to experience, it's not permanent and it certainly is no indication of any character flaw. Welcome to being human. We have limits. And not respecting those limits might mean our brain goes auto shut down.
It's 1am as I'm writing this so I'm going to take my own advice, stop typing and start sleeping. More rest and water. Less panic about everything I'm getting "wrong".